BUILD IT, D.I.D.

We’ve had many levels of communication with each other in our system. For a long time we could talk face to face inside, then that fell away and we were forced back to journaling, annoying. Really we were all feeling like failures, well not the ones that were causing the separation, they were stoked. Our system is made up of a good many folk, some created by doctors and some by our own sellves.

Pith is reading volumes on childhood development, she wants to understand what was done at each stage and she believes emotional stages were used to their maximum benefit to those who mucked around in our mind/brain. All that mucking becomes the ‘development’ of our system, not created like some would have us believe, but nurtured and not in a ‘good’ way. We believe there has to be some sort of predisposition for multiplicity, since others have had trauma and not turned up with DID. One of the most documented survivor abuse are those of the Holocaust, there was extreme trauma with people ranging in all ages. There are no cases of DID, that’s we’ve found, in Holocaust survivors. Why? Why didn’t children subjected to those abuses develop DID?

Isolation

The adults/children of the Holocaust were not alone, they were part of a community that suffered the abuse together. That’s not to discount the abuse, but it had the component of community, ‘in this together,’ that children abused at home or in a cult don’t generally have.

Looking at our trauma history, it was all about isolation. It was personal. There was no community. Add to that the hook of ‘authentic love’ used to bind people in our system to the abuser and bingo we’re deep in DID territory that looks like it was created after the fact. Still isolation might be the factor in why some trauma can nurture DID while others don’t.

Natural Multiple VS Trauma Based

Here’s the thing, I starting to think they’re one in the same and that’s where predisposition comes to play. If it’s there and no trauma, GREAT, now it’s just about dealing with the day to day of being multiple. (Not that that’s nothing or something, just complicated.) But if all multiples are naturally so, it’s what’s done with that which becomes the system and can be manipulated. It’s become evident that our mind was mucked with by some very knowledgeable folk. People who discovered and nurtured our ability to be multiple to/for their own gains. Pretty damn nifty on their part actually. They apparently were pulling the strings right from the get go.

Still we’re ourselves, they may have called us front, but they didn’t make us multiple. They just used our natural set of selves called front to train and condition. There were those we, as a system, called front but they like the others were there in the soup. There are still more in that soup that have never been called front, sort of like embryos.

For decades we thought we knew what was up with ourselves and our system, then another level unfolded, we thought “okay that was shit, now we can get on with living,” then bottom falls out and we’re on some new level of dysfunction. It’s not that we’re helpless, it’s just frustrating to find out everything we thought we’d worked out/thru is now our goal. But hey, least we know we can get there, we did it before.

Ravin

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Anne Pratt
    Jul 14, 2010 @ 18:57:34

    Oh Ravin, sounds like you’re in such a difficult place. With I had something useful to say.

    I have met one Holocaust survivor who was multiple. She was separated from her mother in the concentration camp, but they could communicate occasionally at the fences. She was well into her 50s or 60s before something happened (dentist, I think) that triggered something awful from the camp. She had no idea, no contact from insiders, until then.

    I do think, though, that your theory of isolation is quite solid. Did you know that having had imaginary playmates is more common among multiples than non-multiples? My daughter had an imaginary playmate once, for two weeks. We were away at her grandma’s house and there were no other children there. She was 2. She needed a playmate! So, some sort of isolation, although without trauma.

    I hope you get some relief from these feelings. And I hope writing may help somewhat.

    Anne

    Reply

    • moreheads
      Jul 14, 2010 @ 19:57:15

      Ann

      Thank you again for you comment.
      I’m so very interested that you met a Holocaust survivor with DID. We have looked for such a thing, always wondering why it had never shown in the children who came out of the camps. Maybe some of the absolute need to be “normal” held the system internal. There have been studies of Holocaust survivors and how late in life after their families have been raised the trauma hits and many turn up with severe depression or suicide.

      That is so true of small children, one of our foster sisters who spoke late had imaginary friends, but once she really began to talk, which she’s nevi slowed down, gave up her friends. Even adults who are isolated in extreme ways begin to create someone or something to help them through.

      Thank you again for the compassion in your hopes for us.

      Ravin

      Reply

  2. Anne Pratt
    Jul 14, 2010 @ 20:37:53

    “I’m so very interested that you met a Holocaust survivor with DID. We have looked for such a thing, always wondering why it had never shown in the children who came out of the camps.”

    I have done many, maybe hundreds, of evaluations (mostly for court) of people with histories of child abuse. And I have treated people with the kind of horror-histories that contribute to creating DID. But I had so much trouble writing the report for that Holocaust survivor.

    We’ve all read the books and stories, to our repulsion. And when we see movies like “Sophie’s Choice” or (what was the name of that Spielberg movie?), it seems even more real, and we really identify with the horror. But none of that had prepared me for witnessing a child insider talk about those very same kinds of horrors. Her stories were largely not unique, but experiencing them was so difficult.

    When I was writing the report, sometimes I would cover the computer screen so I wouldn’t have to look at what I had just written.

    I’m not sure why. Certainly I’d worked very closely with people with equally godawful traumatic stuff. Maybe it was the connection with history? The knowledge that this one (very real) experience was the experience of six million? Or maybe that witnessing in person made all the history books, autobiographies, art, and movies suddenly all too real.

    Anyway. This isn’t going to do much to help you feel better! Sorry. I am just re-experiencing that evaluation after mentioning it in my post.

    On another note:
    Many times the experiences and memories of cult survivors (and probably others) seem impossible and unreal to others. You mentioned conditioning, and I think this is maybe the most evil part of what happens. When someone disturbed is sadistic and abusive, at least you know they weren’t too stable to begin with. But when abuse is organized, and mind-control, sometimes drugs are used, that is so deliberate and requires so much planning, to me it seems like pure psychopathy. Just evil. And very hard and lots of work to sort out reality. So I wish you luck and fortitude to get through it. As you said somewhere, you’ve done it once so you know you can do it again. Now I’ll stop typing and writing so much!

    Anne

    Reply

    • moreheads
      Jul 14, 2010 @ 22:09:46

      Ann

      Thank you again for your response.
      I’m sure witnessing was hard enough but then to have to report I can understand how it would trigger even in this retelling.

      I have mentioned about my own history, it’s always difficult for me to be open about what is there, partly because it is so intense and unbelievable. There has always been a sense for us that with the Holocaust there is that open history to the world that we as individuals don’t have.

      Yes, conditioning and mindcontrol is another level of mind bending for sure. Like with the Holocaust there was that deliberate sadistic abuse that made us less then human. We have looked to camp survivors because it was out of those experiences the experiements used on us seem to have continued.

      I think I feel another blog entry coming on. Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences and knowledge.

      Ravin

      Reply

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